People we meet

It is funny how every single person you meet, does something with you, has in influence on you in one way or another. They shape you in how you behave in your next encounters or how you deal with your past or future problems. Still, it goes widely unnoticed. We draw upon previous experiences before we enter new ones, making every single one of those moments unique. People you meet can be interesting, funny, weird, disarming or just so, so very special in a way you cannot even begin putting it into words or writing. Unconsciously, people can give you a piece of advice that lasts a life time, or they can make you – even if only for a short period of time – feel worthy of their attention, which honestly is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

A roundabout of disillusions

I just do not get it.
How can one’s thoughts and feelings be so far apart from one another? While my mind is running off to a fairytale, right in the arms of my prince charming, my heart is drifting off into an entirely different direction – a far less positive one.
Will I be able to force my heart in a certain pre-scripted plot, or should I let it make a detour and just wait until it gets back on the right track, whichever one that might be?
A good friend warned me for this long before. Unfortunately, I was too stubborn to listen. I was highly convinced that I should know what he, my prince charming, wanted from me, had in mind for us and hoped we would become, before I made up my own mind about those things. Well, turns out I was wrong, my friend was right. I should have thought it through and sorted it out before I told him I had any doubts in the first place. As a result, it now feels like I am not following any path at all: neither my mind’s, nor my heart’s. Instead, I am stuck on a roundabout of disillusions, hope, fear and a highway jammed with uncertainty. I am lost. The true problem here is that no one has a map to guide me through this: I am all by myself on this one.