See beneath the beautiful

He asked me: ‘why are we always looking for the perfect person, while we will never find them, while we will have to settle for less?’ I asked him: ‘does that bother you, knowing that you are going to end up with someone who isn’t perfect?’ He said it did not bother him, but as I looked into his eyes I saw a different answer. His eyes told a different story than his mouth, and at that moment I was the only one able to hear that second story, the untold. I wanted to tell him that we do not need someone perfect, but all we need is someone that treats us as if we are. I knew that this sounded too much as a line from a Nicholas Sparks novel, and not enough as the truth so I kept my mouth shut and nodded while I rested my head on his shoulders. Without saying a word I thought about how I wanted him to be that person for me, how I wanted him to know me in my purest and most selfless forms. And I know that there will always be flaws, errors and tiny mistakes, but the true goal is to find a person who looks beyond your beautiful and who actually appreciates your inside and every bit of it. Right there and right then, I felt like I had found that person, it was him.

Some people can make you feel that way, as if you were perfect. It will be the man who takes your breath away, but gives you a whole lot more back for it. It will be the man who is not afraid to show you his weakness, his struggles, his pain and more important, even: his love for you. You need to give that man a chance though, because too often we do not recognize him at first. He built the walls around him, but it is up to you to break those down, brick by brick until you know him as well as you know yourself.

For a moment I thought I had found him. My guy. The guy I needed. Even though in the end it did not turn out the way I had wanted it too, that small moment gave me some kind of hope. It is a feeling I like to recall: that moment when it finally seemed like my jigsaw puzzle with too many pieces had been put together into a coherent whole. I know now that I do not have to search in order to find, that I do not need to reach out in order to get help, but most of all: that I do not have to ask in order to get an answer to my questions.